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“Don’t feel like putting makeup on my cheeks
Do what I wanna
Love every single part of my body
Top to the bottom
I’m not a supermodel from a magazine
I’m okay with not being perfect
‘Cause that’s Perfect To Me!” – Anne Marie!

In today’s world, when we preach so much about body positivity and beauty and intellect and that we shouldn’t judge anyone and how others should mind their own business instead of poking their noses in our business – we often forget to mark the line. The line which stops us from judging. Even though we say that we should not judge a woman but unfortunately we are the ones ignoring a dusky girl or a fat girl in front of a fair slim lady. I myself did the same till few years back and I won’t deny that. But now I have changed myself. Now I do not involve in such vague conversations. In fact I always try to put across my point of views. Why now if you ask me – well there’s a story of self realisation to that too.

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Hi, I am Pamela. I am a woman who is a homemaker and a full time mother, wife, daughter, blogger, influencer, community leader, chef at home. Yes I do all my household chores by myself.
By birth I am fat. I have been fat in my entire life. Honestly, I used to be very shy and introvert in my school and had only 3 to 4 friends. Yes I have noticed boys laughing behind my back for having baby fat, yes that’s what I used to call those extra kilos. But I was never affected much then. I was 75kilos and 21 years old when I met my life partner after many other affairs. After 14months of high voltage affair we got married. I was then 65 kilos and that’s the lowest ever that I experienced in the weight machine. I conceived a year later and started gaining weight which became quite a task to shed post pregnancy. Today I am 96kilos.

Am I sad if you ask me, would say no I am so not sad. Yes worried a bit as obesity is unhealthy and might lead to heart diseases. But am not sad like my well wishers pretend to be. One day I was eating Phuchka a popular snack in Bengal which is puffed up phulkas with a filling of mashed potatoes, chick peas, coriander leaves with other spices and tamarind pulp and chillies with tamarind water. A lady from my locality said how I should not eat these and control my weight. I was unwell for few weeks and after antibiotics my mouth and taste buds was hibernating. So I thought to have it after a month. And there that lady just had to pass a random comment. She hardly talk with me in general nor was she my friend. We know each other that’s it. Yet she had to comment. But I didn’t stop myself. I gave her the apt reply by saying that I do everything at home and healthy as a horse. So weight is just a number for me and why she is enquiring about it and not how I am may be for a change!

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The other day an aunt of my locality saw me in jeans and tshirt and told me how we girls forgot to wear saris these days and good and slim I used to look in saris and that I just want to be a westerner. I reverted back that it is my life and I have work to do and this is my to go comfort wear and my parents and my husband is quite proud of how elegantly I carry myself in just anything in spite of being over weight.

I have a FACEBOOK group that many of you know by now. I often get to hear such comments like I used to look so beautiful when I was slim many years ago and how I used to look young then too. Well Hello!!! Isn’t it obvious that I was young at 21 and now that I am 34 I wont look like I used to at 21!!! And how my weight determined my beauty. I love my family, my son, my inlaws, my husband, my parents and my friends. I try to help as much as possible. I try to understand other’s miseries. I try to help the street children. Pardon me if it seems like I am bragging myself but Aren’t these enough qualities to be beautiful.

My body is a vessel that holds the soul. The soul is forever young and beautiful. And this vessel one day, will be left by my soul like that of everyone’s and will be cremated and the holy fire will burn it to ashes. So why my beauty is demarcated by my weight??? Why my age get to decide how young or old I am?? And let me remind you – all these come from women only.

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When a woman wears a bikini here, everyone gawk at them. Why?? Don’t we wear bikini every single day – well bra and panty are the most important garments that we wear daily. As women share that in open that becomes a crime! Women in Sari is purity and women in jeans, dresses, gowns are impure , vulgar??? Why??? By the way, in a sari a woman is most vulnerable and open than a jeans or gowns or salwar suits. Yet women are judged baselessly. To be honest, why a man wearing a shorts without a tshirt on top is not judged but a woman in jeans is – I have no answer to that!!!

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I see women these days using apps to beautify, I see women using apps to do makeup, I see women smoothing their face with filters and apps, I see women using filters, I see women using slimming apps . Why??? Do you know?? Many don’t but they too question!!! I too did the same. And I understood. There are so much competitions and race to achieve highest likes and comments in the social media that many fall prey to this. If they don’t get good likes they take this step to get likes. Well if that’s keeping them happy then why not but we need to understand that are we being honest to ourselves then??? Aren’t we participating in the same process of body shaming and beauty shaming??? The next time you see a picture of a woman with pigmentation and pimples and marks on their face smiling at you from the screen with a Kajal and a Lipstick – try to write just a word of appreciation and press like. Give her the credit of coming out and sharing her heart out and recognize this effort. The day you start this, that would lead you to the path of getting more love and people remembering you for your support.

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I get to beat depression through the hands of makeup. These days I have found new love on makeup looks and stuff related to this. When I used to just wear a sari and some jewelleries and a nude lipstick – people questioned why I don’t do makeup much!!! Now when I do makeup — they mock that too saying why I do makeup so much as I am already married and a mother and noone will look at me.

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I mean didn’t she just proved herself wrong by looking at me!!?? If a woman play dress up – that means she is doing so to impress a man??? A woman puts a 1800 bucks MAC lipstick, 2100 bucks Too Faced Mascara, 3500 bucks ABH Eye Shadow palette, 3000 bucks Estee Lauder Foundation, 600 bucks LA Girl Pro Concealer, and the list will go on. And you expect a man to understand all these brands and worth and to top it the efforts by the woman just to impress them????

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Whammmm!!! Get a reality check love!! Women almost all doesn’t dress up to impress men. They dress up to make themselves happy and to see the beautiful smile on their faces through their mirrors. I myself didn’t use to like red lipsticks. Now I own 16 red lipsticks. Wear a lipstick and see the magic happen!!! When I am sick and kind of sad and low yet I have to go out, I wear a red lipstick and instantly I start feeling comfortable. Why if you ask me?? No there are no steroids in those lippies. When we wear a lipstick we check the mirror out and what we see in the mirror, we like that and that make us smile forgetting the gloomy days in the past. It might be short lived, yet that connection of a few minutes with the mirror change our outlook.

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And people judge that too. “You are dusky so you are ugly” , “You are fat so you don’t look pretty” – When are we going to come out of all these preconceived mental blocks created by the societal parameters???

You look beautiful just like that – with or without the curves and fats, with or without the make up on, with or without the branded clothes on, with or without the scars of those sturdy pimples and pigmentations, with or without the stretch marks from the extra fat or the c section that you went through. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL . YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE YOUR SOUL IS BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AS GOD MADE YOU. AND GOD CANNOT CREATE ANYTHING THAT IS NOT BEAUTIFUL.

There are days when I don’t feel like combing my hair and I just go out with a top knot. I often forget to wear that mascara lying in my purse. When I am unwell or too stressed or low I skip doing my skin care routine. I wear what I am comfortable in always. My moto in life is to be comfortable and grounded in spite of exploring everything which is in my capability. And on that note I have opened my Facebook group Makeover Lifestyle Stories – Explore, Improv and Empower. I ask fellow women members to share their makeover stories. Recently I attended a meet of community leaders held by Facebook and when I was introducing my Group, the word Makeover, pulled out some funny weird emotions from other’s faces. Then I clarified the term. Makeover is not essentially related to cosmetics only. Makeover is the change that our subconscious mind desires yet we at times fail to adapt and then one day we succeed in bringing that change. And this is not about celebrities. This is about ordinary everyday women. Every women according to me are celebrities in their own ways. After this group, I came across so many women who are super women in their lives, their suffering, their patience, their fights, their inner conflicts, their fights with depression and other diseases – made me realise how strong humans are. Yet we fall short due to our insecurities. We easily pin point others and mock – in real we are just taming our own insecurities down in order to ignore our own short comes. It is very easy to fall into the path of darkness, but to pull oneself out of it into light – that’s the biggest challenge. To stay positive – is the ultimate challenge. But it’s not impossible a task. This can be done easily. The first step is self love. The moment we start loving ourselves, we won’t have time to look into others. And then we wont hurt them by judging them and doing beauty shaming and body shaming on the first place.

 

“There’s hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful,
just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change it’s heart –
No Scars to Your Beautiful,
We’re Stars & we’re Beautiful!” – Alessia Cara

The famous lines from one of my favourite songs by Alessia Cara. I always listen to it in loop. The words are like medicines to heal the wounds. Be it body shaming or beauty shaming – it lies in our own hands. Giving in to social parameters is not what we should do. We should never fall prey to these. I see friends crash dieting and exercising ruthlessly to shed kilos to fit into the bill that’s set by society overlooking the side effects that might come with it. Yes moderate exercising and healthy diet with a healthy lifestyle with good sleeping hours should be incorporated to maintain our health quotient. But that should also be done if we want that and wish for it and not because an aunty or a friend or a bunch of women asked us to.

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“No better you than the you that you are,
No better life than the life we’re living,
No better time for your shine,
You’re a Star
Oh You’re BEAUTIFUL!!!” – Alessia Cara

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On this International Women’s Day Week let’s take another pledge to stop body shaming and beauty shaming. Think before you speak or type. What if you are at the receiving end??? Would you like it?? Won’t you be unhappy at some point??? Be an empath first and then preach.

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International Women’s Day is the outcome of many great super women and their fight worldwide to achieve the rights for women. Let’s not malign and insult all the efforts they took in the past. Let’s pledge to come together and take the oath of camaraderie and help each other to live a stress free, judgement free, fresh life where our wish, our choice to live the way we want to, become the necessity. Let’s pledge to make the world a place to be loved and lived with peace.

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It brings me immense pleasure to share that 30 bloggers across the globe are celebrating International Women’s Day with a twist and I am a part of this beautiful blogathon too. I thank Gayatri Deshmulh @motherlymess – https://motherlymess.site for introducing me. She is a lovely mother and blogs about her journey and life.
I would also like to take the opportunity to introduce Reetuparna Nath @ritzilyyours – https://ritzilyyours.com/ . She is such a vibrant blogger with a blog to admire for.

#UnapologeticGirlz Blogathon is a project hosted by @mylittlemuffin_mom , @mommyvoyage and @themomsagas and sponsored by @kaurageousyou .

 

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